shit shit shit i feel like complete shit. my step-mom's drunk, my dad's drunk, and i'm fucked up. shit. where is my life going? i have no fucking idea

(no subject)

hot damn, it's been a while. i forgot i had a livejournal. well i see that i haven't updated since november, so in the past 3 months....i hooked up with woody!!!! yay! we've been together for a while now, like 2 1/2 months. :D
so i am VERRRRY happy about thattt.

what else...chillin with mis amigos, spending time with my boyfriend, getting smacked, and sleeping about covers it, lol.

fuck. i failed english last semester. i have to go to summer school now. that's been blowin me real hard lately. as if i'm not beating myself up about it enough, i have everyone on my ass about school now. and i really am just afraid to talk to my dad. shit. he's out of town right now, and i haven't talked to him in a few days, so he doesn't know my grades yet....he's supposed to call tonight, but i'm really not looking forward to it.

cuz i know exactly what the conversation is going to consist of: you are a fucking idiot. what the hell does it take for you to actually do something every once and a while. you're not going back to einstein next year by the look of things. oh yeah, and no more riding until i can see that your grades aren't complete shit anymore.

and if i can't go riding and see my horses, i don't knnow what the fuck i'll do. they mean so much to me. just being at the barn calms me down. i'll be so pissed if he tries to take that away from me, which he's already threatened. and i just know he's gonna throw in a "oh, mommy would be soo proud" remark somewhere in there....he always does. that's just so fucking uncalled for. he knows how much that hurts me, so he throws it around in spite of me. what a dick.

anywho...enough about that.stephie's coming home today! just visiting though. it's superbowl sunday, oh boy. i really don't like football. eeeee. oh well, i'll just go watch something else.i should start working on my homework right about now. wow, i'm actually trying to do homework now. that's saying a lot right there.

yo it smells like some fucking B.O. hardcore up in here. NOT cool. not cool at all. it's not me though, i already checked....i think it's the chili linda's making downstairs. note to self: if food smells like armpit, don't eat it.
this is damn gross....
  • Current Music
    blind to blue skies - the spotlight

(no subject)

ehh, halloween was pretty dull. i wasn't really in the halloween spirit this year, i usually am. oh well, i didn't even get home until like much shit therapy. such a waste of time, oh my god. so annoying. my parents each had a friend over, so i gave out candy, but since we live on a dead end and kinda out of the way, we only got like 2 trick-or-treaters. today was borrrring. meh, i wanna do something tonight, but we'll see what happens....ew, school tomorrow, but at least it's a B day, i like B days. photography in the morning, i love that class, it's fun. other than that, life's just been....full of stupid, nonsensical nonsensical even a word? oh well, i think you know what i mean by that anyway. i've really just stopped caring. it's not worth worrying about anyone who won't appreciate your caring. but yeah, i'm gonna go and actually do some homework so i can pass ALL my classes this coming quarter...leave me some lovin'! peace and love, y'all.
  • Current Music
    last night - the strokes

(no subject)

ahhh, last night was sooooo awesome! me and dannielle went to the benefit show for andrew. i got to see a bunch of my buddies there, that made me HaPpY! it was lots and lots of fun, good times...underscore played! i missed them soooo much, i was oh so sad when they broke up. and mickey and miguel played a song for andrew. they did such a good job, and then matt from underscore came out and sang with them for a part of the song. that was really cool. i'm so proud of them!! haha, me and joey and maria were dancing like no other to the earlier bands, mainly crash boom bang, ahh, they're so good, lol. but yeah, i gotta get movin, gretchen and eljon are parents don't trust me to actually stay IN the house when i'm here alone....but love gretchen so it's all good. we're gonna go downtown to get some food soon. yummmmmm. leave me some lovin'! i'll give you a cookie......
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    sirens - underscore

(no subject)

ok, just a word of advice to y'all: don't tell your therapists shit about anything on the topic of drugs. they'll screw you over.

mine is making me give her my 5 valium that i have left. i'm not even planning on taking them! this is fucking retarded, i was gonna sell them to make some moneyyyyy. and she said that if i didn't give them to her, she was gonna tell my parents that i took some pills yesterday, which isn't her god damn place to pipe in either. and when she asked me if i had cut recently, i showed her the cute little star i have on my ankle, and when she asked what i used i told her an exacto knife....and she's telling me to give that to her too. fuck honesty with people you barely know. who knows, they'll probably just end up taking it from you. grrrrrrr.

there goes at least $15 down the shitter.
  • Current Music
    jelous - throne

(no subject)

homecoming is tonight! wooooot! lol, it's gonna be fun. i usually hate dressing up, but i actually love my dress. haha, the one i wore for graduation last year, but oh well. i'm not one of those people who feels it neccesary to go out and spend a bunch of money on a new outfit for every occasion. i wish that woody was coming tonight though. if there's any way to get in at the door he said to call him and he'll come. i hope there is!!! anyway, my dress is black with white polka dots, strapless, and then the skirt part has an underskirt with lacey prettyness on it. yay. and it has bows on the hips! lol. i love patterns. ~polka dots ~ stars ~ stripes ~ bows~ = pretty! lol, yeah....i'm gonna get a ride with anna, but she's gonna come over early and we're gonna get ready together. haha, i'm being such a girl. oh well, it's fun, lol. i don't know what to do with my hair yet...its too long to spike in the back now, so maybe i'll just straighten it and flip the ends out. ahh, fuck. it's all rainy and shit outsde, so we'll see how well that works....then for makeup, not sure what i'm gonna do yet, but yeah.....i'm babbling about this a LOT, i'm gonna stop now.

GUESS WHAT! i've been straight edge for a week and 2 days!!!!! that's like, fucking amazing compared to how i was before. quitting smoking cigarettes is a bitch though, soooo hard, ahh. i'm still working on that part. i've been trying to keep it to 2 or less a day. that was woody's suggestion, and i've stuck to it. but the past few days i've been keeping it to 1 usually. and i haven't even had a hit in 2 days, so yay! i'm proud of myself!!!! but i'm craving one pretty damn badly right now, so we'll see how that, well i gotta get crackin and finish my homework so i can actually go to the dance tonight. peace and love bitches! i shall post again soon.
  • Current Music
    silver bullet - hawthorne heights

(no subject)

in history again....being bored. anna's jamin to some cake while gazing at pictures of gene. i'm going to stage crew today, yay. tomorrow's the last day of school for this week and then it's the WEEKEND bitch! yess, i hate working in school. i like coming to see the people, but work....meh. i'm going to woody's house on friday, so that'll be fun. then we're finally gonna go see corpse bride. woot. and yeah...class is almost over. peace.
  • Current Mood
    lazy lazy